What to do When the Connection Isn't There

In the years that I have been reading Tarot I have had a few instances when the cards and I did not connect with the Seeker. Instead of feeling that I have failed somehow, I look at the situation and try to determine what can be done to make that connection. These tips may help you figure out what to to when the connection isn't there.

The "general" spread that I use has 3 cards for the Past, 3 cards for the Present and 5 cards for the Future. I explain that if the Past and Present do not resonate with the seeker, then we need to try something else as the Future cards will not have any meaning for them. Once in a while there is some hesitation about the information seen in the Past or Present cards, and that is when I try to answer any questions and work to see where the disconnect has happened.

Tip #1 - Use analogies and references that the Seeker will understand.

In some cases my explanation of the cards was not clear, and I have to change the way I said what I see in the cards. I have a certain frame of reference that makes sense to me, and in most cases I can use that as a way to explain the situations I see in the cards. But occasionally that frame of reference is so far removed from the seeker's frame of reference, they don't understand what I was talking about.

I can't expect someone to know about people and events that were well known before they were born; many of the famous people I remember from my early years are not as well known today. I can't use people who were known in my hometown as a reference unless I know the seeker grew up there as well. I have to remember that the Bowman Body was a Richmond, Va, celebrity and that more people will catch a reference to Elvira if I want to use a TV horror show host in an analogy. (With Halloween readings, this is not as far fetched as it may sound!) Using illustrations that the Seeker understands will help them accept what the cards are showing without having to question an obscure (to them) reference.

Tip #2 - Reshuffle the cards or try another deck.

Seekers can have a lot of things going through their heads as they approach a Tarot reading, and the energy that they put out can sometimes be a bit scattered. Once they know what the steps of the reading actually entail, they often have less anxiety about what they are about to undertake, and the energy becomes more focused.

By reshuffling the deck and laying out a new spread, the now familiar steps seem less intimidating than they did before, and the seeker can focus more on what the cards are showing them. In most cases where I have reshuffled the deck I have seen very similar cards come up the second time - 5's may become 7's, and 9's can change to 10's, but the basic energy and messages seem to remain very similar.

I have found that the deck itself may be a cause for concern for the seeker, as the images may cause some unconscious reactions. If they are not comfortable with the images, they can dismiss the information I am trying to convey without actually hearing what is being said.

I offer the seeker a choice of decks, but if the they simply pick one without looking at the choices they can end up with one that works against the reading. What one person sees as an exciting and beautiful card can very easily be seen as dark and foreboding by another. Which High Priestess is "better" - the Anne Stokes / Donald Tyson Necronomicon version (above left) or the Arthur Waite / Pamela Colman Smith version shown here?

Tip #3 - Have the Seeker restate their expectations for the reading.

This is similar to Tip #2, but with the Seeker instead of the deck. If they say they are looking for a general reading but they actually are trying to have a specific question answered, their expectation may be that the unasked question will be answered. When this doesn't happen after a couple attempts, try reshuffling their expectations by asking for them to restate the question they want answered, or to focus on a particular aspect of their life to work with in a general reading.

I have found that by having the seeker mentally step back and reassess what they want from a reading we can usually go through the spread and help give them the insights and suggestions they really wanted. Once they have had a chance to refocus their mindset often changes and the cards' messages are more readily accepted.

Tip #4 - Admit that this reading is not meant to happen.

I have had a few readings that never happened with me because there was no connection between me and the seeker. In some cases I have been able to suggest trying another reader at the Psychic Fair; in others I have simply suggested that they try finding a reader in the area (and offering names of some that I know). The main thing I try to convey is that there is no point in wasting their time if we cannot connect, and that there is nothing wrong with what they have asked. Sometimes things just don't jell. Always encourage a second opinion when you can - it is better for the seeker to hear what they need to than for you to be the one to deliver the message.

Conclusion

There has only been one time that I know of where a seeker did not want a reading, but went through with it anyway. Her husband wanted "his and hers" readings and paid for two individual readings. After his reading she sat down and the wall she put up was palpable. In spite of similar cards to what her husband had, she insisted that nothing I said resonated with her, and implied several times that I was simply making things up. I knew that was not correct as her husband had just recently shared some information about the very situation we were now discussing.

With the exception of someone that does not want a reading in the first place, these tips will get a stalled reading back on track. Add them to your Tarot toolkit to help keep things going when the connection isn't there.

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Do you have any favorite tricks to break through to a seeker when they don't feel that the message applies to them? Please share in the comments so others can add to their repertoire!